Mind in Progress

Ode to a DeskJet 990Cse…

Around the time the millennium changed,

My mom brought you home and I thought you were strange.

I opened your lids, saw what I could see,

Then I asked you to print out a test page for me.

Your colors were stunning, your speed eased my dread;

I reached for the paper, but you ate it instead!

We thought you were broken, but oh did we thrill

To find two-sided printing was one of your skills!

A faithful machine you have been since day one;

I’ve lent you, I’ve cleaned you, I’ve used you a ton.

In letters and sermons and codes for my games

You’ve been a great helper in all of my aims.

For years of fine service, I now give you rest.

(And don’t tell the new guy, but you’re still the best.)

Dear Christian family, please pray for me…

Yesterday I told the Lord that He and I both knew that I have not been putting up much of a fight lately when it comes to spiritual battles.  Even in the face of God’s amazing grace, there is a sadness that comes with the moments where I just do not have faith or keep His commandments.  It is draining not to do the Lord’s will, and the disappointment has a way of adding up when it happens as frequently as its has.  Recently, I have been allowed to be challenged by Satan in several different and not unfamiliar ways—idolatry, lust, sexual immorality, pride, worry, a lack of diligence in certain ongoing responsibilities.  The truth is that I just haven’t been putting up an effective fight.  The Lord, however, has also surely seen my desire to get realigned with the straight and narrow path that He has laid out for His children.  He has really been helping me lately, and that prayer I said yesterday was made in the afternoon of the second day of what was a truly awesome spiritual retreat with the folks from the church’s student center at UT Martin.  As I prayed, I told God that I was really looking forward to refusing temptation again, and I prayed (fully assured that He would respond to this particular request) that He would give me such an opportunity, because it was a sense of satisfaction for which I’ve become very hungry (a hunger which His Son made a point of saying could be fully satisfied).  Well, He granted my request this morning by giving me the opportunity to go before my Christian family from the student center and share my burdens with them.  This was not one of those uncertain moments.  I wanted to go forward.  The temptation that Satan put before me was nothing other than fear of disappointing the friends with whom I had enjoyed the retreat.  Before and after that moment, I could have easily told you how ridiculous and irrational such a fear would have been, especially knowing the members of that group as well as I do.  I gave in to the temptation to hide my struggles (and, by proxy, my desire for their prayers).  The Lord gave me another opportunity to have what I wanted this evening, with another congregation of Christians who know and love me.  Again, I gave into the temptation to stay where I was toward the back of the auditorium, though this time I’m less clear about the nature of the doubt.  Both this morning and evening, another member of my Christian family came forward asking for prayers that I knew I wanted for myself, too.  In short, the Lord gave me exactly what I requested, and I did not take it, even though He tried to give it two me twice, and even put me in the position of not doing it alone.  I walked away from both assemblies feeling, well, outdone by someone who is younger in the faith than I and has said that they look up to me for my Christian example.  Today, however, it is without question that they acted with the greater measure of spiritual maturity and resolve to do what needed to be done.  I am thankful for their example.  God has allowed me to type out this post, accessible to everyone who follows me on Tumblr and Twitter, which certainly includes a large number of my Christian family.  I asked for a joy that I’ve refused, and this is my last ditch effort to be as honest as I’ve wanted to be already.  Perhaps this is a consolation gift, because I didn’t take the better gifts He tried to give me earlier.  Still, I request your prayers that I might be still, know God, and allow Him to remind me how to resist the devil and flee temptation.  I ask for your prayers that I will not be mastered by anything except the Word of God.  I ask you to pray that I will soon be filled in my desire to be cleaned up by the Lord and in my desire to boast in His strength rather than having to keep apologizing for sticking to my weaknesses.  I am so thankful for every single prayer my brothers and sisters.  Thank you.  I have to go now.  My next opportunity is knocking. :)

Maybe the best. dream. ever.

Last night I experienced an amazing dream.  I want to write down while I can remember any of it.

I was finally able to return to Israel.  I wasn’t there as an official student.  I hadn’t paid any money.  I had just shown up to learn and do whatever I could to help as a volunteer.  Also, I was old enough to rent a car, and I somehow knew all the traffic laws.  I drove to some sort of launching point where other volunteer diggers, old and new, were gathering to spread out to their different sites.  For some reason already lost to me because I’m awake, I got on a bus to some place besides Beth-Shemesh…maybe Bethlehem.  As I recall, it wasn’t an accident; I wanted to go somewhere different, but visit my friends working at Beth-Shemesh later.  My mistake was that I got on the bus, and didn’t just follow the bus in my rental car.  That will be significant later.

Anyway, I got to Bethlehem (or wherever it was…the site was abnormally large and host to a large squad of volunteers and several directors—there is no such site at Bethlehem in real life) and everyone was staying a little off-site in this building that appeared, at least on the inside (which was the only part I saw) to be a one story gym without the basketball goals or markings on the wooden floor.  It did, however, have bleachers that covered one side.  There were a few long, cafeteria style tables and a centered projector screen (for viewing informative presentations) across from the bleachers.  If you were facing the projector screen and the tables, you could look to your right and see the doors at the end of the building.  They were a couple of metal double-doors with a centered push-bar mechanism on the inside of the building.  They locked automatically; I know this because someone got locked out and I let him in…I think he showed up late…his identity will be revealed later.  One pair was at an angle right off of the bleachers, the other pair was in the center of the wall perpendicular to the bleachers, and offered a view of the main road and a large dirt parking lot across the street.  I could see the bus and a few other vehicles.  The dirt parking lot was raised a little from the main road, and the dirt was walled back down to ground level by large, rounded stones of varying shades of brown and tan, maybe a little grey…I can no longer remember.  If you looked to the left from the bleachers, there was a small walled off kitchen area that exactly resembled the size and shape of Scott Hall’s kitchen, though the colors were different and there was no table inside the little enclave.  To the right of the kitchen was a short hallway which contained the numerous sleeping quarters, but all I could see was the black shadow at the beginning.  I do not recall any sense of fear at this darkness.  It was dark because whatever light was coming from the rooms just wasn’t making it to back to the gym area.  Maybe some of the doors were closed or only cracked.  I do think there were some people back there, because the gym wasn’t full enough to account for everybody.  As I recall, the main lights may have been off in the gym, too, as an effort to save electricity.  The fluorescent lights over the exit doors and from the kitchen provided enough ambiance to play cards and hang out in that main area, however.

Anyway, I had in the back of my mind the constant buzzing that I would not be able to visit my friends working in Beth-Shemesh because my rental car was at a place I wouldn’t see again until this digging period was over.  I was quite bothered by that, actually, and I was frustrated because I hadn’t thought through my method of transportation.  Still, I was at the site I had wanted to visit, and my goal was to make the most of it.  I made a few new friends, though I can no longer remember the names by which they were only briefly introduced to me.  One of them was a volunteer who had already made several trips to this site over the years.  He was still young, but I think I must have been a little younger (maybe 25) because he certainly wasn’t 30 even though he was still a little older than I.  He was very intelligent, and I had a fear that he was a little arrogant, but I was determined to approach him with an example of humility and kindness.  He taught me something, too.  I think that might have been the first time that I gained academic knowledge in a dream!  Having examined what I learned in the dream, although I haven’t actually looked it up yet, I’m pretty certain that it has little to no bearing in reality, but I felt the same thrill that I feel when I learn something when I’m awake!  He showed me this awesome video by National Geographic or someone of shepherds at this ancient place down the road gathering their sheep.  What I saw resembled both a blitzkrieg and a video-game.  Also, this “ancient place down the road” had a strong resemblance to Geonosis.  I’ll just have to describe it in person.  What struck me was the efficiency and speed at the which the shepherds gathered the sheep.  It was epic.  Almost Revelation-esque.  In the back of my mind, I was either concerned that the sheep might have been hurt in the process or I they were not hurt in the process, because I remember having a thought about the sheep and not reacting with any memorable negativity; or maybe I was so astounded by the shepherds that I wasn’t thinking about the sheep.  Either way, I was in the middle of discussing what impressed me about the video with my new friends when I heard someone banging on the doors at the end of the bleachers.  I went over to see who it was, determined that he was not a danger (he might have told me or shown me something, but I’m not sure), and let him in.  It was Hollywood star Danny DeVito.  Only that was not at all his identity, just his appearance.  He was one of the site’s archaeologists, a director of some sort.  After letting him in, I don’t remember if I had any social exchange with him or I went back to my new friends, but after a while I found that Dr. Dale Manor, the field director at Tel Beth-Shemesh, was there on the bleachers near the kitchen!  I was very pleased to see him, and after a brief chat he gave me a ride to visit everyone at Beth-Shemesh!  As we drove there, we passed the ancient place where the shepherds had been filmed, but they weren’t out.  It was on the left.  There were a surprising number of fast food restaurants along our route.  When we arrived where the group was staying, I did not detect that it had no resemblance to the place where I actually stayed when I went in real life.  I perceived that some things hadn’t changed and some things had.  Amy was there, true to her insistent desire to return.  Sadly, John and Sarah were not there, true to the uncertainty of their ability to return.  Mr. Frank was also there, and a few others whose identities were vague; at least a couple of them were new volunteer diggers.  They told me where the food was and to help myself.  I got to visit with them, and we discussed the changes to the site since I’d been there last, and it was just great to be with them again.  I was a little concerned as to how I would return to the other site after my visit was over, but I figured someone would give me a ride back because they would probably have a need to go back there anyway.  I was about to text John and Sarah with “Guess where I am!” or something like that, and then I woke up with a pleasant, educated, and nostalgic feeling.

What a great dream. :)  I want to go back to Israel.