Mind in Progress

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    I had a nightmare tonight…

    …for the first time in a very long time.  Most of my dreams in recent times contain adventurous situations, but this one had no great successes in store for me, and I certainly didn’t wake up feeling cool.

    It started off harmless enough.  I was watching TV at MaMa’s (i.e. my grandma’s) house across the living room from my uncle and at least a cousin.  A commercial came on the TV for a privately purchasable rescue missile, which could be deployed by any well-meaning citizen to those who were in need of aerial assistance.  They could apparently be purchased via a smartphone application, because the next moment of the dream that I recall is using said app to do just that.  You could use the app not only to purchase the missile, but to run diagnostics, track its movements, get offers and news reports about the product, and, of course, fire it.  Once the missile was purchased, I was exploring the app, and before I knew what I’d done, I’d fired it by accident.

    Launch was apparently immediate.  It started counting down to impact, but by now the dream was no longer about a rescue missile.  It was going to explode and kill somebody.  I had to alert the military so they could stop it!  I began clumsily fumbling through the app, quietly sitting in MaMa’s living room fixated on my phone while my family had no idea how much panic—how much raw fear—was surging through me.  Someone was going to get hurt.  I couldn’t find a button to stop the missile.  I couldn’t find a button to ask the military to shoot it down.  By the time I realized that I hadn’t registered as a user, and had to do so to stop the missile, time was running out.  I wanted so badly to be able to contact somebody and warn them of what I had done!

    I finally found an emergency abort screen, but I lost the ability to press the button and notify the authorities of the danger because a full-screen popup appeared, angrily flashing red and reading in all capital letters that the product was not a toy.  That’s when I received the impact notification.  Someone had been killed in a perfectly peaceful place…it was some sort of park.  Within the dream, I imagined the damage, probably to someone who had been in a wheelchair.  It was an unspeakably awful feeling.

    That, however, was not the scariest part of the dream.  The worst part is that I was no longer willing to tell the authorities what I’d done.  I didn’t want to live out the rest of my life in jail; a few seconds of all the horrible things that I feared could happen to me there was enough.  When the report of the missile strike came on the TV, I woke up.  The first thing I did was get my bearings in reality: there was no such app on my phone or in the Android market, there was no such commercial, there’s no such thing as a private aerial rescue missile that I know of.  It has scared me to think, however, that I would not be honest in such a situation…that I wasn’t willing to face the consequences of my most destructive actions.

    Never having fired a missile, I am left to examine the things that I have done wrong.  Indeed, I do find it to be true that the more thoughtless or disappointing or damaging the action, the more inclined I feel to hide it from others.  Perhaps that is common behavior, but I don’t want it to be true of me.  What good is a life lived in the shadows of shame compared to an honest one, even when honesty means facing our errors?  Surely there is something greater to be gained in the latter than what is achieved by the former.  I’m glad that the God of the Bible teaches honesty.  I’m also glad that the God of Bible teaches that He knows what we do in secret, and while He is in a position to punish us for the bad, He is much more eager to forgive and help us if we’ll take it.  With regard for our own faith, He can move our mountains.  My mountain is not being more like Him, because being less like Him sure does cause all sorts of problems in this world, including my personal life.

    Knowing such a God sure makes me feel better.  Also, one of my sisters in Christ was quick to ask me if I was okay when I tweeted that I’d had the nightmare, and offered me some encouraging words.

    ::whew:: Missiles just don’t seem as cool once you’ve fired one by accident. :/

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    Words from my cousin…

    I live most days grateful for God’s love, and I thank Him for that.  But I don’t remember His death for me every day.  Or how He rose for me and conquered the grave and defeated Satan.  That is my goal for every day this week: remember Christ’s death for me, out of His great love.”

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    Good Spread Peanut Butter Project…


    These guys are< $5,000 away from having what they need by Monday, 11:59 P.M. Pacific Time to get this off the ground.  Some of you who follow me will remember when these guys came to Freed-Hardeman and showed us the therapeutic food they’ve been giving to malnourished children and demonstrated all the good that it’s done.  If buying a little peanut butter here is what’s going to keep that therapeutic food flowing into the hands of mother’s too malnourished and poverty stricken to keep their children alive, I’m willing to do it. You probably are, too.  Please use their Web Site (click the link above) and Google, etc, to get all the info you can on these guys and their project, and consider getting involved.  Pray about it and do what you will. :)


PortraitHi, my name is Scott. God loves you! Caution: these posts are thoughts from a mind that is far from finished...
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